You may have typed in any of the following challenges or questions to get to this page:
How do I find a financial advisor for widows?
My husband handled all our money. What do I do now?
Should I keep my husband's financial advisor?
What do I need to do financially after my spouse dies?
How do I know if an advisor is taking advantage of me?
Written by Amy Parvaneh, founder and CEO of Select Advisors Institute
Excerpt and Summary:
If your husband handled the finances and he's gone, you may be facing statements, passwords and an advisor you barely know, all while grieving. This article covers what to do first after a spouse dies, whether to keep his advisor, and what a good financial advisor for widows actually looks like. Select Advisors Institute can help you compare advisors and sit beside you in those meetings so you never feel talked down to. Read more about this topic.
He handled everything. Where do I even begin?
"I don't even know which bank we use for the mortgage."
I've heard some version of that sentence from so many women. Smart, capable women who ran households, raised kids, built careers and sat on boards...and simply let their husband handle the money because that was "his thing."
You might be finding statements in his desk you've never seen before.
You might be locked out of accounts because you don't know the passwords.
You might be getting calls from his advisor, and you're not sure if you even like him.
You might have grown children with lots of opinions about what you should do next.
If this is you, please hear this: you are not behind. You are not "bad with money." You're just new to this part of it.
Grief and paperwork arriving at the same time is a lot. Be gentle with yourself.
What should I do first after my spouse dies?
Widow financial planning doesn't start with investing. It starts with getting your arms around what you have. Here's a simple financial checklist after the death of a spouse:
Get several certified copies of the death certificate. Banks, insurers and agencies will each want one.
Make sure the bills keep getting paid. Especially the mortgage, insurance and utilities. A daily money manager or bill pay service can take this off your plate right away.
List every account and every professional. The advisor, the CPA, the estate attorney, the insurance agent. Old tax returns are a great treasure map for this.
Contact the life insurance company and Social Security. There may be benefits you're entitled to.
Hold off on big decisions. Selling the house, moving across the country, or lending money to family can wait.
Many people suggest waiting about a year before making major, hard to reverse decisions. That isn't a law. It's just kindness to your future self.
And what about the kids?
Your grown children love you. They may also, very lovingly, have a lot of opinions. One wants you to move closer. One knows "a great guy" who manages money. One thinks you should sell everything and buy an index fund.
It's okay to listen, thank them, and still make your own decisions in your own time. You can even bring one of them to a meeting for support. Just remember whose money it is, and whose life it is.
This is your plan now. Not his, and not theirs.
Should I keep my husband's financial advisor?
He was at our wedding. Wouldn't it be disloyal to look around?
Not at all. Keeping his advisor out of loyalty is one of the most common things I see...and one of the decisions women most often tell me they wish they had made more carefully.
His advisor may be wonderful. But here's a question to sit with: was the relationship with him, or with both of you?
Think back to past meetings. Did the advisor look at you when he spoke? Did he ever ask what you wanted? Or did you mostly sit there while the two of them talked?
Many widows end up moving their money after losing their husband. Often it's because they never felt like the advisor's client. They felt like the client's wife.
Meet with him. Give him a fair chance. And give yourself permission to compare.
[read: how to find or vet a financial advisor]
What does a good financial advisor for widows actually do?
A great financial advisor for widows does a lot more than pick investments.
They slow things down. No pressure to sign, move or buy anything in the first meetings.
They explain, and then explain again. Without a single eye roll.
They help you understand your income. What's coming in each month, what's going out, and whether you're okay. (This is usually the question keeping you up at night.)
They coordinate with your CPA and attorney on things like retitling accounts, updating your own estate plan, and filing the final joint tax return.
They talk to you. Not around you, and not to your son who "is good with numbers."
Bottom line: you deserve to walk out of every meeting understanding more than when you walked in.
How do I know if an advisor is the right fit (and not taking advantage)?
Sadly, some salespeople do target widows. It's one reason so many women feel nervous asking for help at all.
A few questions you can bring to any meeting:
"Are you a fiduciary 100% of the time, for every account?"
"How exactly are you paid? Do you earn commissions on anything you recommend?"
"How often will we meet, and who will I talk to when I call?"
"Can you explain my plan to me in two minutes, in plain English?"
You'll also hear a lot of titles thrown around: fiduciary vs financial advisor, RIA, CFP, wealth manager. They don't all mean the same thing, and the difference matters.
[read: RIA vs CFP vs wealth manager vs financial advisor!]
And one gentle red flag: if anyone pushes a complicated product, like an annuity or an insurance policy, in your first few meetings after a loss, it's perfectly fine to say "I'm not making any decisions right now."
What if I just want someone to take care of it all?
That's a completely reasonable thing to want. Especially now.
Some widows want an advisor plus a daily money manager to handle the bills. Others want a personal CFO or concierge style support that keeps the whole team (advisor, CPA, attorney, insurance) organized, so nothing falls through the cracks.
[read about concierge financial services]
You don't have to become a financial expert. You just need people you can trust...and the confidence to ask them anything.
The list of questions goes on and on!
And that's exactly where Select Advisors can come in and help!
Don't go through the process of finding or changing a financial advisor alone. We can help!
How can Select Advisors Institute help me find the right financial advisor after losing my spouse?
At Select Advisors Institute, we do not manage investments or provide financial advice. Instead, we offer strategic support to help you navigate the complexities of wealth management, ensuring that your financial relationships are structured to serve your best interests. By providing these services, we help you maintain control over your financial decisions, ensuring that your wealth management strategy aligns with your unique needs and objectives.
We'd love to speak with you about your goals, answer some of your top questions about the financial industry, and/or refer you to some of my favorite financial advisors in this space that may match your exact needs.
If you've lost a spouse who handled the finances, you face unique challenges. You may be grieving while learning account by account what you have, deciding whether the current advisor is right for you, and fielding opinions from family. Taking control means getting organized at your own pace and surrounding yourself with people who talk to you, not around you.
We provide comprehensive support by assisting in the organization and management of your financial advisor evaluation process. Our services include helping you define your financial needs and priorities before engaging professionals, drafting or reviewing RFPs for advisory and planning services, and building comparison frameworks across firms, services, and compensation models. We also track communications during advisor meetings to identify gaps or follow-ups, ensuring that you have all the necessary information to make informed decisions.
Hi, I'm Amy Parvaneh,
Since 2014, my firm has guided 100s of financial firms and thousands of financial advisors. I have been in the financial services industry since 2001, with a successful career at Goldman Sachs Private Wealth Management and then PIMCO.
Beyond advisor selection, we assist in gathering background materials and documentation for review, help interpret fee structures and service models, and coordinate introductions to firms that meet your specific criteria. Our team reviews public disclosures, monitors advisor changes or staff turnover that may impact your relationship, and facilitates communication with your legal, tax, and family office teams. We aim to translate industry jargon into terms that align with your values, providing debrief support after advisor interviews and designing internal decision-making frameworks across stakeholders. By serving as a neutral, long-term liaison, we help monitor alignment, organize your existing team for better visibility and clarity, and support onboarding logistics for newly selected firms. Our goal is to ensure that the advisor you choose fits your actual life, not just their presentation.
https://www.linkedin.com/in/amyparvaneh/
If you have any of the below questions, it's time to call us!
My husband handled all the money. Where do I start?
Should I keep my husband's financial advisor?
How do I know if my current advisor is a fiduciary?
What questions should I ask a financial advisor as a widow?
How do I find a financial advisor who works with widows?
What's the difference between a fiduciary and a financial advisor?
How much should I be paying for financial advice?
Am I going to be okay financially without his income?
How do I retitle accounts that were in both our names?
What do I do with his retirement accounts?
Should I sell the house now or wait?
How do I find all of our accounts and passwords?
Who can help me pay bills and organize paperwork?
What's a daily money manager, and do I need one?
How do I handle my adult children's opinions about the money?
Is it a red flag if an advisor recommends an annuity right away?
How do I update my own estate plan now?
How do I coordinate my advisor, CPA and estate attorney?
Can someone come with me to advisor meetings?
I feel overwhelmed. Can you help me organize everything?
Select Advisors Institute is not a registered investment adviser and does not provide investment, legal, or tax advice. We are a boutique management consulting firm deeply embedded in the wealth management, asset management, family office, and UHNW sectors, advising financial institutions on strategic growth, talent development, investor communication, and brand positioning, while guiding ultra-high-net-worth families in advisor selection, coordination, and the day-to-day management of complex wealth structures.
Managing the wealth of ultra high net worth investors and family offices is a highly specialized and nuanced endeavor that requires the expertise of seasoned financial advisors. The best financial advisors for UHNW clients possess specialized knowledge, a fiduciary mindset, a customized approach, a robust network, a proven track record, expertise in philanthropic planning, and a sterling reputation. By carefully considering these factors, UHNW individuals and family offices can select financial advisors who are best suited to meet their unique and intricate financial management needs.